Hello from our regular weekly column “Ask Your Counsellor”, where we are collecting anonymous questions from our dear readers/clients about their struggles and problems.
Expat life brings a unique set of challenges. Whether it's struggling with the cultural and social adjustments, the emotional rollercoaster of dating abroad, or the complexities of family and relationships, it's easy to feel overwhelmed and isolated.
That's why we're introducing “Ask Your Counsellor”, a weekly column where you can anonymously share your struggles, seek guidance, and find solace in the words of our experienced counsellors.
Our counsellors are here to provide you with a safe space to express your deepest thoughts and concerns without judgement. They'll offer valuable insights and empower you to navigate the challenges of expat life with greater confidence.
So, don't let your worries linger in silence. Reach out to us and let our counsellors support you!
Our Writer:
I want some advice on how can I break up with my long-term relationship of 6 years? We live together and I have so many things together in the flat, a lot of clothes and electronics that we bought together, the flat is not in my name, but in his. I don’t feel love for him anymore and he fights a lot all the time We don’t have the same beliefs and morals. What should I do? How should I break up? What is the best idea? What should I do before ending up everything?
Kate:
Dear Writer, thank you for writing to us!
I appreciate you decided to contact us seeking help and I can imagine this is not an easy situation for you. I can feel your frustration with the situation, but I sense you have not given up yet based on your last sentence…“What should I do before ending everything up?”. Do I understand correctly that there might still be some hope in that sentence that you might be willing to fix what can be currently broken?
If this is the case, open communication with your partner can be beneficial. You mentioned you do not have the same beliefs and morals. Has this always been the case or did you share the same values at the beginning of your relationship? Discussing these values can help you to realise why you got together in the first place and spent six years together. If you cannot manage the discussion yourself, consider couple´s therapy if you want to give your relationship a chance.
If you do not feel any love for your partner anymore and you do not feel like giving the relationship another chance, here is some advice that you might find helpful. There is no one-size-fits-all solution, take these as general guidelines.
Ending a long-term relationship is never easy and it is important to approach it with sensitivity and consideration.
- Reflect on your decision: reflect on your feelings and ensure that ending the relationship is the right decision for you.
- Choose the right time and place: find a calm and private place where you can talk without being interrupted. Ensure you both have time to have such a conversation without any external pressures or time constraints.
- Be honest and direct: communicate your feelings honestly and express your thoughts and emotions without being hurtful. Use “I” statements to avoid accusations.
- Avoid blame: focus on your feelings and the reasons why you are making this decision rather than blaming your partner.
- Plan for logistics: since you live together and have shared belongings, it is crucial to discuss how to handle the logistics of separating your lives. Have various plans in place before introducing them to your partner.
- Seek support: ending a long-term relationship can be emotionally challenging. Connect with your friends or family for support.
- Consider professional help: if you feel the situation is too complicated or emotionally challenging, you may want to consider seeking a therapist or counsellor to support you.
- Create a plan for moving forward: after the “dust settles”, consider making a plan for the future. This could include finding a new place to live and dividing assets.
- Give yourself time to heal: allow yourself the time and space to grieve and heal. It is okay not to feel okay when undergoing this emotional process.
- Be kind to yourself: breakups are challenging and sometimes painful. Take care of your physical and emotional well-being during this time.
Please keep in mind, that each person and situation is unique, and it is important to be flexible and tailor the approach based on your relationship and specific circumstances.
