Writer:
Hi, I am writing you to help me out with my current situation and thoughts…I’m 38…I was in a relationship and then broke up with someone who promised me marriage and a family someday. Since then I am just questioning if my time will ever come.

From my close childhood friends in Prague almost everyone got married. Of all my close friends I’m the only one who is not married yet or doesn’t have a child. My other friends are also married or in serious relationships.

My closest friends just got engaged and was discussing the wedding, along with how they’re going to start trying for kids as soon as possible. Then she made a joke, at the rate you’re going, you’re probably going to have to join our family and just settle with being an aunt.

It stung.

I try to remind myself I’m still young. I’ll meet more people (I’ve actually considered moving maybe to another town + I don’t speak Czech).

Then I think what if it never happens.

If my friend is right and I’ll never achieve that dream of mine to have a family and I’ll just always be alone. It hurts like hell.

How to stop this overthinking process? It is haunting me daily and I am sometimes distracted and feel anxiety…


Kate:
Dear Writer, thank you for sharing your story.

It seems like you are experiencing profound feelings of disappointment and anxiety that stem from your recent breakup and the societal pressures connected with marriage and family. Your fear of being left behind by your friends and the uncertainty about your future wishes weigh you down, manifesting as constant overthinking and distraction.

Acknowledge and validate your emotions without judgement. It is okay to have feelings such as disappointment, anxiety or uncertainty about the future.

Focus on the present instead of hypothetical futures. Try to engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfilment which can distract you from these intrusive thoughts.

Sometimes challenging societal norms can be beneficial. Remember that everyone´s journey is unique and there is no one-size-fits-all timeline for achieving milestones such as marriage or starting a family.

Exploring your values, interests and goals beyond societal expectations of marriage and family could be a good step. Try to find a sense of fulfilment and purpose outside of romantic relationships, which can help you build resilience and confidence to navigate life´s ups and downs.

If you feel like you cannot deal with this situation yourself, consider support from a mental health professional who can provide you with guidance and strategies for managing anxiety and navigating your relationship concerns. Therapy is a safe space where you can explore the underlying emotions, challenge negative thought patterns and develop coping skills to improve your current situation and overall well-being.

Lastly, remember that sometimes life’s challenges lead us to unexpected paths, and what may seem like obstacles now could ultimately pave the way for greater fulfilment and happiness in the future. While it is natural to feel frustrated, angry or anxious about your current circumstances, trust that there may be reasons beyond your current understanding. The right person or opportunity may not be immediately apparent, but they could be waiting for you just around the corner or on the other side of the world. Stay open to the possibilities and have faith that things will unfold in their own time. You’re stronger and more resilient than you realise and with patience and self-compassion, you will navigate through this period of uncertainty towards a brighter tomorrow.

I wish you all the best and we are here to support you whenever you need.