The Importance of Setting Boundaries
Within the complexity of relationships, set boundaries serve an essential function in nurturing harmonious bonds, upholding psychological stability, and encouraging personal growth. Boundaries act as invisible lines that define where we end and others begin, outlining our limits, needs, and values. By establishing boundaries, one can simultaneously safeguard emotional stability and nourish more profound intimacies. With boundaries, our spheres of existence can acquire a liberating lucidity and our connections a deepened intimacy. Boundaries act as personal guidelines that define acceptable behaviors, interactions, and limits. It is crucial to recognize that boundaries can vary from person to person, influenced by culture, upbringing, and personal experiences. While some individuals may have more rigid boundaries, others may lean towards more permeable boundaries.
Most of us have some kind of boundaries in our life. Apart from being healthy, boundaries can also be rigid when a person distances themselves too much from others avoiding any kind of intimacy, and the opposite – porous, when one gets involved too much in others’ lives. Moreover, there are different boundary types, and some might be more appropriate than others depending on the setting and the culture.
- Emotional: your feelings, including times you allow yourself to share personal information with people at different levels of relationships.
- Physical: touch or space around you, the appropriateness of someone kissing, hugging, or touching you – should only happen when you want it.
- Sexual: respect for sexual limits and desires between you and your sexual partner.
- Material: money and possessions you choose to share, and to what extent.
- Intellectual: your and others’ ideas and thoughts should never be belittled, for example, you may choose to not speak on religion or politics to avoid crossing boundaries.
- Time: how you use your time – what or whom you choose to allocate it to.
Saying “NO” You always have a right to say “no”. Unfortunately, a simple “no” is not always clearly perceived by others but there are ways you can communicate your response to be firm:
- Body Language: non-verbal communication can influence others’ perceptions both implicitly and explicitly. Facing the person, you are setting the boundary with and using a calm tone of voice at an appropriate volume can help you communicate your decision.
- Respect: similar to the previous point, it is important to keep a respectful tone when setting a boundary, avoid raising your voice or putting the other person down, while being firm with your response. As mentioned, everyone might have a different understanding of boundaries, and crossing yours might not be deliberate.
- Plan: boundaries setting could require a confrontation and a discussion, so preparing your response with help you gain more confidence
- Compromise: this is not a requirement, but when appropriate you can consider other people and come to a compromise without crossing your boundaries.
What you hold dear should determine the limits you set rather than arbitrary measures of propriety. For example, if you value spending time with family, set firm boundaries about working late. Your boundaries are yours alone. A large portion of your boundaries is likely to align with those who are close to you, but others will be unique. Know your boundaries before entering a situation, to lower the risk of being involved in something you do not want.
by Diana Sultanova, Mental Health Intern